I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
