the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
