This girl is more easily done than said...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
