she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize