That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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