is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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