You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
