just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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