No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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