I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
