I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
