Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
