all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
