please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
