I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
