If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
