I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
