brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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