It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
