Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
