So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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