I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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