He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
