What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
