Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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