at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
