first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
