I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
