I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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