Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
