Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
