Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
