What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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