Your dad touched me again.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
