Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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