I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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