you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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