just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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