Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
