but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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