sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
