How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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