Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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