Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
