So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
