You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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