She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You dont lie about slip and slides
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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