roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
