Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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