the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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