so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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