we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
