He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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