i was born a porn star she said
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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