so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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