I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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