Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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