You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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