My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bring me that man meat
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
