My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
