i already hear my dad disowning me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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