So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Couch. On fire.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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