This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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