It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
