I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
