so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
