i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
