smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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