Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
