Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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