part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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