people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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