I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
