Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
