What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
