He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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